The crisis in men and male leadership everyone is misdiagnosing, and why our Mission is unique
I believe most people are obsessed with the wrong problems, thinking men and male leaders are collapsing due to the weight of mental health struggles, confused masculinity, loneliness, or burnout.
It’s true that these are all major issues that are clearly having a major impact, and shouldn’t be under-appreciated or overlooked in any way. But what strikes me most is the nature of the beliefs around what causes them in the first place, and the biggest risks to look out for moving forwards.
On an organisational level, the mainstream view seems to indicate a belief that their biggest risks come from toxic leaders, misconduct, or exhausted teams as let’s be honest here, burnout and disengagement stats are seriously excessive combined with high profile reputational storms in recent years or the last decade. We need only look to this year’s ex-BBC MasterChef Presenter and celebrity Gregg Wallace here in the UK, who was sacked (rightfully) in relation to 45 upheld claims that included ‘one of unwelcome physical contact and three of being in a state of undress. Most related to inappropriate sexual language and humour, and also culturally insensitive or racist comments.’
But seriously, how did we get here, where these situations and behaviours cannot be spotted sooner and prevented or managed?
Everyone is staring at the smoke, but nobody is looking at the fire.
Across conversations I have as a Leadership & Executive Coach with all manners of leaders and professionals, HR directors, academics and entire teams, one hidden mechanism keeps showing up behind every struggle, conflict, and quiet collapse…
Instead of assuming the reason for the struggle is that men and male leaders are emotionally ill-equipped, have toxic attitudes, or unable to cope,
I believe the real issue sits somewhere far messier and in a more practical space.
At its heart, men are struggling to express themselves in ways that create clarity, connection, and alignment.
This of course is in part due to a lack of situational and self-awareness, but there is much more to it than that.
They are failing because they can’t express what’s happening inside in a way that aligns their behaviour with what they stand for as well as with the surrounding culture. Consistently.
That for me is the real crisis. And I’ve named this broader problem The Expression Gap (more on this in my previous Blog post).
Below are three disruptive insights that I’ve distilled from my coaching work, which I intend to leverage to lead meaningful change and hopefully help contribute to defining a new era for male leadership as well as men in society as a whole. Because the feedback I’m getting is that we need this.
1. A global social mission
The real crisis of men isn’t mental health, masculinity, loneliness or burnout,
it’s the Expression Gap.
The public narrative keeps shouting that men are struggling because:
mental health is deteriorating
masculinity is broken or outdated
loneliness is an epidemic
burnout is the new normal
These are the symptoms, not the cause. The deeper issue is this:
Men don’t know how to translate inner truth → outer expression.
So they:
say they’re fine while quietly drowning
avoid the conversations that matter most
lead through performance instead of presence
suppress needs, opinions, boundaries, or emotional signals
break connection with partners, families, colleagues, and themselves
This internal misalignment between what a man feels, what he thinks, and what he expresses is the real point of failure.
Men are unsupported expressively. Until the time we learn how to confidently express with integrity in a way that feels safe, nothing will change.
2. Your edge and leadership advantage
The next strategic and competitive edge in male leadership isn’t EQ emotional intelligence, it’s now XQ Expressive Intelligence.
EQ was revolutionary, it taught awareness, empathy, and emotional understanding as well as emotional self-expression. It was and still is great, a crucial piece of the puzzle!
But emotional awareness doesn’t always change behaviour.
Not under pressure or in conflict
Not when we are struggling to keep up with complex environmental changes (societal, cultural, organisational etc)
Not when stakes are high.
Modern authentic leadership demands:
clarity under pressure
emotional regulation without emotional suppression
confident communication that lands cleanly
honest expression without oversharing
boundaries without shutdown
repair after rupture
trust - influence without ego
This is where XQ Expressive Intelligence becomes the new differentiator.
XQ Expressive Intelligence is the integration layer for how we express our emotional intelligence as well as all other capabilities!
Turning self-awareness into behaviour that builds trust, presence, and credibility.
And the research proves this shift:
Gallup (2023): 70% of team engagement comes directly from manager behaviour.
McKinsey (2023): burnout is driven primarily by toxic or inconsistent leadership behaviours, not workload.
Edelman Trust Barometer (2024): trust rises or falls based on leadership communication.
These aren’t emotional problems. These are expression problems.
EQ explains the feelings in the moment, but XQ Expressive Intelligence delivers the behaviour and the man’s helpful, authentic, inner truth.
And that’s what men are missing.
3. The organisational risk nobody is naming
Everyone thinks organisational risk comes from toxic leaders and burnout.
The real risk is misaligned leaders who can’t express consistently - especially under pressure.
XQ Expressive Intelligence closes that gap, enabling expression with integrity that protects your culture, trust, and performance.
This is the blind spot most HR, People, Talent, and L&D teams haven’t been able to articulate.
Organisations don’t fall apart because of the obvious stuff e.g. the headline-making scandals or formal grievances. They crumble because of the micro-misalignment leaders create every day:
mixed messages
tension left unspoken
defensiveness in hard conversations
emotional shutdown under pressure
values that are said but not lived
inconsistency between intention and behaviour
This quiet misalignment is far more dangerous than overt toxicity.
And B2B research backs this to the core:
Gartner (2024): the #1 HR priority is improving leader and manager effectiveness.
PwC Global Risk Survey (2023): culture and behaviour are now top emerging risks.
CIPD (2023): behavioural issues and conflict are rising in UK workplaces.
Deloitte (2023–24): trust is now a business imperative, not a “soft” metric.
These reports are not describing bad leaders, they’re describing misaligned leaders.
Not villains, but men who can’t express consistently, especially under pressure.
That is the Expression Gap at scale, and XQ is the capability that closes it.
4. The Bridge:
One Skill - three levels of impact
Why do these three insights matter?
Because the Expression Gap isn’t just a personal issue, relationship issue or organisational issue.
It’s all three at once.
Individually (and socially) - it blocks confidence, honesty, identity, and connection.
Professionally (inc. leadership) - it blocks trust, influence, and leadership presence.
Organisationally - it blocks culture, alignment, and performance.
One skill-based capability solves all three: XQ Expressive Intelligence.
Because when leaders can express with integrity:
trust stabilises
culture strengthens
performance becomes predictable
conflict becomes productive
relationships deepen
teams engage and support one another
burnout decreases
clarity rises
Expressive integrity is the new foundation of modern authentic leadership.
5. The Stakes: Why XQ matters now
The world is changing faster than most organisations can adapt. We’re entering an era where:
behaviour is scrutinised in real time
trust is fragile
misalignment is expensive
silence is interpreted as risk
communication is reputation
leaders are expected to be human and high-performing
emotional intelligence is no longer enough
Leadership that struggles to keep up, or can’t express under pressure collapses under pressure.
This isn’t about being softer or more emotional (although still highly valued), it’s about being aligned, consistent, clear, and courageous -
even when things get difficult.
Here we go, I’m going to say it…
EQ was the last revolution, I believe XQ Expressive Intelligence can be the next.
6. Want to find out more?
I see a future of male leadership which won’t be defined by over toughness, vulnerability, or charisma.
It will be defined by expressive integrity, the ability to express consistently, clearly, and honestly in the moments that matter most.
If you want to explore your own personal ability for self-expression and benchmark yourself, or find out how XQ Expressive Intelligence can transform your leadership, your team, or your organisation… this is the moment to step into the next era.
To find out more, take our Free xQ Scorecard here.
Thanks for reading, I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback!
The world of xQ Expressive Intelligence
Leading a revolution in how men express & connect, when it matters.
The new language of connection.
What is xQ?
xQ Expressive Intelligence is the key to connection and authentic, burnout-free leadership. It provides an end-to-end solution that guides men (and women) to master ways of expressing themselves, so that the message lands. Every time!
xQ is a capability upgrade that men need, now more than ever.
The Skill.
The Bridge.
The Connection.
It’s the Hot New Topic in the men’s personal development and leadership development world. A highly actionable, structured and skills-based framework for male leaders and professionals, the missing piece among the quotients (IQ, EQ etc) you didn’t know you needed, that evolves them one step further...
xQ is a Superpower that enables you to create new ways of thinking and generating expression, not just unblocking. It’s about creating impact, not just solving a problem.
Consider it like an operating system for your authentic self, the language of connection and impact. It acts as the glue that aligns and expresses all of your abilities and intelligence types coherently, connecting your inner world to your outer world.
It is the highly learnable, unspoken next step to expressing your full self, both who you are and who you want to become, to create real connection and leave your mark on the world. It builds off emotional intelligence (EQ), but is distinctly different. It’s accessible, complimentary, and looks specifically at expression as a means of connection that deeply resonates, and is learnt through practicing and mastering the 6 unique skills which collectively focus in on the ‘Expression Gap’ experienced by all men at some point.
Inspired by the global conversation around men’s vulnerability and modern masculinity, it is ultimately something that helps men reconnect and create lasting transformation.
Why learn xQ?
Because it allows you to become a fully Expressed Modern Man, to connect and have maximum Impact.
Expressive Intelligence unlocks you to:
Rediscover your authentic self-expression
Build deep trust and connection in your relationships
Lead your life and situations boldly - effortlessly inspiring and influencing others
Embody undeniable presence
Present unshakable confidence (as your truest self)
Find freedom no career can offer
Enable you to purposefully embody your truth
Execute and secure a legacy to be proud of
All without the burnout that comes with inner conflicts (expressive dissonance), and the drain of living inauthentically.
It’ll quickly become a Skill in your toolkit that ensures your impact matches your intention.
The Key to the Kingdom
Whether you are currently on the path to greater discovery of yourself, your career or business success, focusing on securing your legacy, or trying to work through a difficult relationship conflict, it is your Key to the Kingdom.
It is the Pathway to closing your unique Expression Gaps in life, wherever they show up, getting you back into alignment, presence and bold action taking.
It’s the Magic Tool you need to master in order to help you reach your full potential as your powerful, unique and fully expressed self in the modern world - becoming a master of your own unique expression that leaves maximum positive impact on the world.
It is a tool for impactful leadership and legacy.
A practical solution to the problems of disconnection, isolation, emotional suppression, burnout, Imposter Syndrome and aids man’s search for meaning.
How is it different from Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
xQ focuses on self-expression as a whole, in order to connect or reconnect with ourselves, others or the world around us.
One element of EQ addresses emotional expression specifically, however it has not been designed to address the many other forms of our self-expression that we may wish to bring out more and share with the world (e.g. simplifying complex ideas, playfulness, creativity, morality etc. - areas often covered by other quotients individually).
xQ is about being, doing, creating, and leading, not just understanding.
In an age of information overload, most men do not have the time or energy to have to study and piece together all of these complex concepts themselves, they need one reliable place they can go to help navigate their challenges in expressing themselves to build a fulfilling life.
xQ acts as the integrating layer, showing how well you can channel the different parts of yourself coherently, and express this unique mix of abilities on command (especially in times when and where it’s important!).
It’s not just what you know or feel, it’s how you learn to communicate it to the outer world in a way that resonates with others and internally to ourselves.
The good news…
Unlike IQ, it is highly malleable and can be levelled-up and learnt quickly with the right tools and deliberate practice.
Emotional Intelligence is now mainstream, and men’s emotional health is an established and growing trend in professional and personal development for a reason. This is the logical and action-orientated next step, not just understanding emotions and other inner capabilities, but skillfully and authentically expressing them to improve communication, leadership, and relationship connection…
A man with high xQ shifts things, moves the room, leaves his mark on the world, and secures a legacy to be proud of!
It’s the next step for men who are ready to take action, and learn this new capability to build a fulfilling life.
QUESTION: What part of yourself do you find most difficult to express or share right now?
Why such a focus on Self-expression?
Well, there's several Big Problems with men today.
Our Research unearthed the following:
Emotional Overload – running on empty from stress, anxiety, and mental noise without healthy release
Silent Suffering – bottling emotions, avoiding help, and withdrawing from real connection
Relationship & Loneliness Struggles – physically present but emotionally absent with others and loved ones (also seen in the current ‘Male Friendship Recession’, ‘Dad Deficit’ trends etc)
Direction & Purpose Confusion – unclear priorities, living by others’ expectations, or drifting without a North Star
Changing Roles & Masculinity Pressure – outdated norms, shifting gender expectations, and conflicting demands to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant
And if experiencing all at the same time…
Burnout, dysfunctional relationships, disconnection, isolation, and lost hope.
All adding to the challenges of modern masculinity.
So here's Why.
Self-Expression xQ ⬇️
Reconnected xModern Man ⬇️
MAX. IMPACT!
🔑 Integrating Self-Expression
(developing XQ Expressive Intelligence helps you notice what’s really going on inside, bring it to the surface, and choose which parts truly serve you. It’s about strengthening your sense of who you are today and who you want to grow into.)
⬇️
🔥Unlocks your full freedom and power as an xModern Man.
(by fully expressing who you really are, you enable presence and deeper connection).
And living as an xModern Man...
⬇️
🚀 Critical to having Maximum Impact as a Leader, Partner, and Human in today’s rapidly evolving world.
(because only by embodying and living your truth of who you are can others trust, follow, and connect with you at the deepest level)
and so the Big Message to Share... 🗣️
The future of modern masculinity depends on one thing above all:
xQ Expressive Intelligence.
Let’s make this the Chapter for the re-emerging xModern Man.
What lies behind the X?
The X in xQ represents ‘Expressive’.
But there’s more…
Our choice of this letter as a symbol of expression has much deeper roots. It carries a legacy far more interesting, mysterious and influential than most realise. Spanning religion, mathematics, pop culture, and branding, it appears everywhere.
Its story begins with the Phoenicians around 1000 BC, whose letter samekh depicted a fish and produced a hard “s” sound. The Greeks later adapted it into Chi (χ) around 750 BC, before the Romans adopted it as X. Its phonetic flexibility laid the foundation for X’s enduring role as a symbol of mystery, crossing, and transformation.
Aristotle’s X (chi)
Aristotle’s exploration of sameness and difference, found in his Topics and Metaphysics, offers a profound lens on identity. He distinguished between several forms of sameness: numerical, specific, generic, and a fourth, “in view of unity of species.” It is this final form, along with his symbolic use of Chi to express the intersection of sameness and difference (his literal use of two lines crossing in the symbol X), that was the main inspiration.
X captures this dynamic perfectly: we are simultaneously connected by shared human traits - with family, communities, and species - while expressing our own unique differences.
Aristotle’s insights laid the groundwork for understanding identity as both shared and distinct, a balance embodied in the X that defines xQ.
Even our X chromosome reminds us of this truth, a shared thread between genders where sameness and difference are woven together.
Throughout history, X has carried sacred, scientific, and cultural meaning. In the 17th century, René Descartes gave it new life in mathematics, using it to represent the unknown, a role it still holds today. In pop culture, X became shorthand for mystery and discovery, from X-Men to The X-Files. Spiritually, it symbolizes crossing between realms, linked to ideas of resurrection, transformation, and the afterlife. The ancient Egyptians associated X with Osiris, god of the underworld, while in astrology and astronomy, X marks celestial intersections, the crossing of cosmic paths.
Over time, X has become a universal emblem of identity and exploration, seen in Generation X, X-rated, and even in its phonetic adaptability across languages. Its sound shifts from a soft “sh” to a sharp “ks,” echoing its flexibility of meaning.
What makes X so compelling is its ability to be both transparent and enigmatic, a simple mark that transcends its role as a letter. From divine symbolism to mathematical abstraction and cultural identity, X continues to represent the intersection of the known and the unknown, a timeless icon of mystery, transformation, and possibility.
X is more than just a letter; it’s now also a symbol representing expression - expression of everything from the divine to the unknown.
And we hope to add a next chapter in its story, one as a powerful tool that reconnects men in modern times…
The high achiever’s emptiness: why your success doesn’t feel like you’ve won
On virtual meetings, you look and sound confident, get the odd laugh and appear firmly decisive and in control.
Off-screen, the silence hits different. Your shoulders drop and the smile fades, at times you distract yourself with things like picking up your phone to scroll, or perhaps crack on with the next task despite there being little to no joy in the process.
Maybe work is OK right now, but when you open the front door back at home you carry a sinking quiet feeling as you smile to say ‘I’m home’, a disconnection you feel but have no obvious way to process so you keep pushing on as you usually do. Many feel a long way from feeling ‘at home’ in themselves in important aspects of their lives, able to express themselves freely with integrity and to strongly connect with those around them.
This is what high-functioning anxiety looks like, and is a feeling that affects all of us at times.
If you’ve achieved everything you set out to and yet still feel strangely empty, what’s really going on?
The Expression Gap
Much of the above problem relates to what I call ‘The Expression Gap’ - the unbridged space between what’s arising in your inner world, and it’s expression in your outer world when you want or need something to land and connect.
At it’s most extreme, it’s the void you feel when you have no idea how to express yourself and instead choose to shutdown and stay silent.
It lives in that world between who you show up as and who you really are and want to be.
It lingers in those moments like when you return home to your partner or children and they ask or wonder why you’ve been so distant lately, and in those moments when the incoherent message you wanted to send just misses the mark, creating confusion or tension.
The Expression Gap is a different take on the challenge with men being open and vulnerable, especially in times of need. The world endlessly tells men to express themselves, to be themselves, to open up etc but doesn’t really offer many solutions that speak to them and inspire them to act. There are several valuable and crucial men’s talking groups and support groups e.g. Andy’s Man Club, Men’s Sheds etc but I felt like we need something new and different that gives men a North Star for self-expression having had issues with this in my own life. I also see these issues first hand when leading teams as a management consultant, team members who were afraid to express their thoughts and feelings, especially in environment's that didn’t feel psychologically safe.
Part of this is that we are tempted to label men inauthentic, domineering, fake, incongruent, call it what you want. But they’re labels, and labels hurt, causing us to close-up even more and stifle progress.
The Expression Gap gives the situation a noun (the expression ‘gap’) instead of an identity label and adjective (inauthentic), whilst then offering a skills-based solution (because many men are practical beings at heart). Now we have something to aim at, a North Star to spot when an important gap forms and to learn how to close it to reconnect.
It stems from a number of things, such as:
not feeling safe to express yourself (e.g. through fear of being “too much” or “too unsure”, or perhaps “too emotional” or fear of safety and being judged in the immediate environment)
your prior conditioning (eg. success means control)
or feeling pressure to perform (the ‘Performance Trap’ - more on that later).
From a recent survey, 76% of men report experiencing work-related stress or anxiety (Mind UK, 2023), with Harvard Business Review reporting that 58% of male leaders feel they can’t be fully authentic at work.
A study by Wacker et al. (2024) illustrates how masculine role fit and leadership position can lead to burnout and disconnection. In their study, for non-managers a worse P-E fit in masculinity (the individual’s masculinity level lower than the perceived masculinity of the work environment and therefore a poor match) is associated with higher burnout values (β = 1.72, p < 0.01). In short, if such men are perceived to be less masculine than the culture in work, they are more likely to burnout.
Psychologist Dr. Susan David notes that when expression relates to sharing feelings: “emotional rigidity - suppressing difficult emotions - undermines performance and wellbeing.”. Many men default to performance-mode, not knowing expression is holding them back from the upper end of that.
The consequences of not closing the Expression Gap can be deep and pervasive, including:
Disconnection
Emotional numbness
Burnout or acting out
A strong imposter syndrome
Strained or distant relationships
The Expression Gap’s accomplice: The Performance Trap
If we don’t feel we are able or willing to express ourselves (and close our Expression Gap), we are then choosing to put on a mask for the world.
The mask is our way of showing up and performing, whilst also hiding what’s going on underneath.
Many of us are all too aware of the illusion that external achievement doesn’t equal fulfilment. The Performance Trap is when your self-worth depends on your next win, and it fuels the Expression Gap. Every presentation, every project, every promotion becomes proof you’re still ‘enough’. Until it doesn’t.
In a Thaler (2020) study, they highlight how overconfidence and performance-driven identity among men can create the trap. They found men were more likely to believe they out-performed others, whereas female subjects’ beliefs about their performance were well-calibrated. Men believe they are to perform their way through challenges, and distort their belief in their ability to do so.
Perhaps like many of us you hear parts of yourself in this, in a stage of your career where you’re still climbing but starting to wonder: ‘what’s the point if it doesn’t feel like I’m really winning?’, or perhaps you’ve already built an empire but wonder if you’ve become a performance of yourself.
Why success doesn’t feel like you’ve won, yet.
As you can probably predict, some of the answers to this lie in the world of psychology and neurology.
We now know from the neuroscience of fulfilment, that dopamine drives achievement, but connection and authenticity trigger long-term fulfilment and wellbeing (eg. oxytocin and serotonin).
Many men are trained to achieve for validation rather than express from authenticity. “Men often suppress vulnerability, creating emotional isolation despite external success” as the American Psychological Association puts it.
The reason why success doesn’t feel like you’ve won can be partly explained by some recent studies by Duarte et al. (2021) and Jang et al. (2022), showing research evidence that authenticity and alignment matter more than just tallying wins.
The study by Duarte included 214 employees who found a positive relationship between authentic leadership (leaders who are self-aware, transparent, ethical) and individual performance. Being aligned and genuine as a leader benefits performance and by extension, performing inauthentically may hinder it.
In a study entitled: ‘Authentic Leadership and Task Performance via Psychological Capital’ (Jang et al., 2022), researchers investigated how authentic leadership influences task performance, mediated by psychological capital (self-efficacy, hope, optimism, resilience) and moderated by performance pressure. The takeaway: high performance pressure weakens the positive effect of authenticity on performance — relevant for high achievers trapped in “performance-mode”.
Accompany this with the statistic: “Authentic expression increases psychological resilience and trust by up to 37% in teams.” (Gallup, 2022).
So why does success not feel like you’ve won?
Because you’ve mastered dealing with high pressure performance for external achievement, but haven’t achieved inner alignment and a way to express yourself authentically in a way that lands, unlocks connection and even higher impact performance.
Maximum fulfilment comes when expression and achievement are in sync. You’re caught in the entrapment zone…
The Bridge: From Achievement to Authenticity
The Expression Gap and the Performance Trap keep us trapped in a vicious cycle, both fueling exhaustion and disconnection that arises from performing a false self.
The solution isn’t abandoning ambition, it’s aligning it with authenticity.
Here’s where xQ Expressive Intelligence comes in, something I have conceived and developed to act as the missing link that goes beyond EQ: where its not just about understanding our inner world such as emotions, complex ideas, playfulness, creativity etc, but also developing the skills to express them with authenticity and precision so it lands. It’s the new language of connection, revolutionising how men express and connect for maximum impact. And with it comes deeper trust, better communication, less burnout and unshakeable confidence.
This transformational nature of moving from unfulfilled achievement to authenticity or from pure performance mode to presence is validated by studies showing authentic leadership boosts performance when matched with psychological resources (Jang).
Here’s what can happen when you close the Expression Gap:
By developing xQ Expressive through a skills-based framework, you’ll learn to express what’s real, so you can reconnect with purpose and freedom. Things will feel like they flow more effortlessly, both individual expressions of yourself but also relationships.
When men express who they really are, not who they think they should be, they lead and love with clarity, energy, and peace.
As The Modern Man Leadership, Executive & Life Coach, I’ve spent several years coaching male leaders and professionals to break free from silent burnout, master my expressive intelligence framework, and rediscover freedom beyond success. And I believe this framing of the problem as an Expression Gap combined with the offer of a skill-based practical solution to expression, can serve as a North Star to men who feel lost in how to move forwards when everyone is telling them ‘just express yourself’ or ‘be yourself’ etc. If it was that easy, we wouldn’t have such a silent crisis with men today. We need something more practical.
I’m here to try and build off the already great work that’s taken place in the area of connection and vulnerability such as by Brene Brown, Esther Perel, Joe Hudson etc, to help solve this problem. To provide a way for men to close any expression gap, to enable us to reconnect and have maximum impact.
Closing thoughts…
You don’t have to escape the Performance Trap alone.
xQ Expressive Intelligence is a private, safe first step for men who aren’t yet ready to talk, but want to start expressing.
Take our Free xQ Expressive Intelligence Quiz and benchmark your ability to express yourself and connect with others here, so you can start closing your most debilitating, frustrating or inhibiting Expression Gaps that show up in your life.
True freedom isn’t what you achieve, it’s who you become when you stop performing and start expressing.
Slight pivot, sentiment the same. The Modern Man and his new Superpower…
The Problem Hypothesis for modern day men
Male professionals, leaders and broadly western men as a whole, are feeling mounting pressure.
Directly or indirectly pressured ‘to be normal’, to conform and not express themselves fully for fear of the potential consequences. Fear of being labelled, rejected, ‘cancelled’, attacked etc.
Society is shifting rapidly, and yet too many men are being left behind and disappearing in plain sight.
‘Disappearing’ may sound overly dramatic and poetic, and you’d be forgiven for asking: ‘What do I mean by disappearing, is that actually true?’.
Well, let me explain.
Many male leaders and professionals are outwardly succeeding, respected, even admired—but inside, silently struggling. And that’s just the wealthier end of the spectrum which, it is true, is in some ways still flourishing. But it’s not all rosy there, or lower down the economic ladder.
In short, many men are often present in title and role, but absent in essence.
Here’s how that silent struggle and disappearance plays out…
Male Friendship Recession: friendships are collapsing - men are seeing growing social disconnection and a rapid decline in close friendships.
15% of men in the US report no close friends. 28% of young men under 30 report having no close social connections.
Male Loneliness Epidemic at record highs - 55% of men in the UK reported feeling lonely during 2023/24, 40% on a regular basis.
Many male C-suite leaders are considering stepping down due to mental or emotional wellbeing, its also lonely at the top! CEOs are struggling: feeling isolated, burned out with the load, presenteeism, and harmonising with the emergence and power of AI are all create a complex cocktail of difficulties that are extremely difficult to address and balance out.
High-earners are feeling financial strain - *Ref: PYMNTS Intelligence 2024 study — 48% of $100k+ report living paycheck-to-paycheck
And of course as many already know, male suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50. Men account for 3 out of 4 'Deaths of Despair' (either suicide or overdose - mostly in the age range 40-49).
Here are some further statistics to help paint the picture:
men are 1.5 x more likely to be victims of violent crime
represent 73% of adults who 'go missing'
men are 3x more likely to become dependent on alcohol and to report frequent drug use
Dad Deficit: 1 in 5 fathers don't live with their children
60% of men hiding mental health struggles from their employer; 68% of those fear being seen as weak; 54% worry it will hurt their career progression; 39% fear changes in how colleagues treat them.
37% of UK men admit actively hiding their mental health issues from their partners.
65% of men avoid seeking medical help for as long as possible. 37% of men withhold information from their doctor (Ref: Nuffield Health)
About 50% of UK men have experienced mental health struggles, yet fewer than half of those have ever sought professional help.
Male jobs have been, and will continue to be, most hit by automation and free trade (men make up 70% of production jobs, 80% transportation and 90% construction jobs at threat by AI and automation)
More generally:
Leader loneliness: Perceptyx—senior leaders ≈2× as likely to feel isolated as junior employees; executive loneliness is widely reported
CEO departures hit records in 2024; many senior leaders cite burnout, AI disruption, and role load as reasons to step back
Deloitte 2024 Well-being at Work (with Workplace Intelligence): 59% workers, 66% managers, 71% C-suite would seriously consider a job change for better well-being
Senior physicians and partners show high burnout and presenteeism costs to firms; medicine reports ~47–49% burnout in recent annual surveys.
The issues are much more severe for men of lower economic backgrounds and ethnic minorities (approx. 17% of UK population), and include additional struggles like lower wages, additional education, skills and employment challenges and more. Wages of most men are now lower than they were in 1979, with the biggest fall in recent employment being young men (25-34).
Many of these are symptomatic of much deeper structural issues that create an array of problems with men (not problems of men, as pointed out by Rich Reeves in his must read book "‘Of Boys and Men’”). But exploring possible root causes are a topic for a later Blog post.
More importantly, the above hopefully serves as ample proof that despite progress in conversations, men are truly disappearing, both figuratively and literally. Too many still feel unseen, misunderstood, and without a clear way forward.
Disappearance feels like:
disconnection from their emotional lives, hiding mental health struggles
cut off from authentic vulnerability, from letting people and the world see who they truly are
feeling isolated and alone, even in leadership teams (disconnection in workplace and at home)
underperforming relationally (at home, with peers) - because they’ve shut off part of themselves, building up guilt/shame
avoidance - in asking for help, delaying dealing with physical or mental health issues
But looks like this:
Leaders who don’t bring their whole selves into meetings, stages or online presence
Professionals who feel heavy pressure, stress, burnout, health issues but talk only about KPIs, targets, outputs
Senior people becoming hollowed-out, efficient—but unfulfilled
Husbands, fathers, or partners who are physically present at home but emotionally absent, disconnected from the people who matter most
So by “disappearing” I mean: disappearing from connection, from authenticity, from expressing themselves fully so they can be known.
And it’s happening quietly, but the cost is huge.
Now I have made the case for why there is a disappearance, I want to articulate some of the confusion that surrounds the men who experience it.
Men are confused about their role today (in work or at home), masculinity, getting clear on their feelings, how to ask for help without appearing weak, how to progress in their profession alongside some of the changes that have (rightfully) taken place in regards to addressing gender inequality that may inadvertently result in positive discrimination towards men. We have a New Women Order, where women are excelling and outperforming men and we should celebrate that progress and continue to close the gap in the workplace. But we must turn attention to men now too, to use Rich Reeves’ words: ‘we need a pro-social vision for positive masculinity in a post feminist world’, something that complement this progress.
Put simply, the confusion shows up as uncertainty in:
-how men should act or behave
-what men should think
-how men should best balance everything in life
The net effect of all of the above, is that men have few response options at their disposal. If there is no change, men will continue to choose between:
Check out (Most! Disconnecting from themselves and others)
Act out (buying into culture wars e.g. far right extremism online, violence towards women, political violence etc); or
Burn out (resisting the situation, trying to break through by grinding away head down in the hope of getting themselves or their family to higher ground)
Hopefully I have convinced you, the silent crisis and quiet disappearance can no longer be ignored.
What Is the Modern Man?
Let’s start with my favourite quote on this topic from Carl Jung:
‘Merely living in the present does not make for a modern man. He alone is modern who is fully conscious of the present’
The Modern Man isn’t the perfectly polished performer of the past. The Modern Man is not about being “better.”
The Modern Man is about being present and whole—authentic, integrated, and deeply connected.
Mastering the integration of self-expression unlocks self-awareness, presence, authenticity, and connection that define the Modern Man.
This leads me to my hypothesis:
🔑Integrating Self-Expression → unlocks your full freedom and power as a Modern Man.
🚀Becoming a fully expressed Modern Man → critical to you having maximum Impact as a Leader, Partner, and Human in today’s rapidly evolving world
The thriving Modern Man is someone who is:
A mature and adaptive human, embracing vulnerability as a strength
Responsibly exploring and expressing the full, unique spectrum of who he is (or wishes to become)
Balanced and integrated, playfully curious while daring greatly
not defined by labels, status, or outdated stereotypes
doesn’t disappear behind work, success, or emotional suppression
Conscious of his impact—creating freedom, equality, safety, and joy for himself, those he loves, and society at large
Mastering the skills for Expressive Intelligence (ExQ): the key to measuring and mastering self-expression as the new foundation of modern masculinity.
Simplifying the Problems Men Face Today
Through the above problem hypothesis and my coaching, I see the same recurring patterns grouped as the following problem themes:
Emotional Overload – stress, anxiety, and mental noise without healthy release.
Silent Suffering – bottling emotions, not reaching out for help or support and withdrawing from connection.
Relationship & Connection Struggles – being physically present but emotionally absent.
Direction & Purpose Confusion – unclear priorities or living by others’ expectations.
Changing Social Norms & Role Confusion: Outdated Masculinity Norms and the Pressure of Traditional Masculinity– shifting gender roles and uncertainty around identity. Pressure to appear strong, stoic, and self-reliant. Conflicting expectations of provider, leader, and protector.
Financial & Career Pressures – rising strain despite high earnings and career demands.
Physical Health Decline – neglect of wellbeing, delayed check-ups, preventable issues.
Life Transitions – midlife crises, career plateaus, divorce, ageing, or family shifts.
Technology’s Double-Edged Sword – distraction, comparison, and reduced real-world presence.
These challenges are not just personal struggles, they’re cultural.
Here’s the mini-Pivot…
My revised Mission and Vision as a Coach from today:
Mission
To create a relatable safe space where the Modern Man can re-emerge.
That inspires him to open up, master and measure Self-Expression.
To build a Playground for creatively levelling-up wellbeing, fuelled by Playful Curiosity.
To provide a Change Framework to deliver fulfilling Life Changes & Passion Projects
To achieve this, I want to redefine modern masculinity through Expressive Intelligence (ExQ)—turning vulnerability into strength, and expression into connection, leadership, and joy.
Vision
To see a world where the complete freedom and power of the Modern Man is unlocked by…
mastering one skill above all: Integrated Self-Expression
Why It Matters, why it is critical for accomplishing your Objectives (for male Leaders & Professionals initially at least)
Authentic Leadership – Leadership without authenticity breeds mistrust, low engagement, and shallow culture. We need strong leaders now more than ever! True executive presence and gravitas comes not from polish alone, but from embodied authenticity and expressive intelligence. people don’t follow abstract statements; they follow leaders who express them with conviction and truth.
Alignment of Values – integrated self-expression ensures decisions match the deeper “why,” not just surface goals.
Emotional Resilience – turning vulnerability into strength reduces burnout and silent suffering.The more high-status you are, the harder it often is to show vulnerability—but paradoxically the more you need it: to inspire, to connect, to sustain.
Clarity & Direction – if you can’t articulate your mission, you can’t align others around it. Expression aligned with values brings purpose and sharper decision-making.
Stronger Personal Relationships – openness deepens connection at home, in teams, and with peers.
Resilience Under Pressure – when setbacks come, self-expression allows leaders to voice struggles, adapt, and keep momentum without losing authenticity.
Sustainable Success & Execution – unexpressed tensions or suppressed emotions derail execution; expressed alignment keeps energy and focus flowing. Plus, a clear change framework turns ambition into fulfilment, not just output.
Connection & Influence – expression turns vision into something others feel emotionally invested in. Openness and expressive intelligence deepen strategic relationships, inspire loyalty, and strengthen networks.
Cultural Relevance – redefining masculinity positions men to thrive in changing social norms.
Innovation & Creativity – playful curiosity fuels fresh ideas and adaptive problem-solving.
Legacy & Impact – re-emerging men model healthier, freer ways of living for future generations
Health Preservation and Longevity - Suppressed emotion leads to physical and mental health issues, which reduce performance, raise absenteeism, and eventually may force exits (or worse).
Legacy & Impact – re-emerging men model healthier, freer ways of living for future generations.
The Big Message
The future of modern masculinity depends on Expressive Intelligence (ExQ).
Let’s make this the Chapter for the Re-Emerging Modern Man: Unlocking Freedom, Power, and Connection Through Self-Expression.
—developing the skills necessary to allow men to show up whole, turning vulnerability into strength, authenticity into leadership, and expression into connection, fulfilment, and lasting impact.
Good Communicator vs. Good Expressor
Most men are good communicators. They can present ideas, run meetings, and make their point.
But few are good expressors.
A communicator shares information.
An expressor shares themselves.
A communicator may inform, skilfully I might add.
But an expressor inspires, connects, and creates trust.
In today’s world, leaders and men who express authentically create deeper impact—in love, work, and life.
My 6-Step RAISED Framework for Self-Expression (6 ExQ Skills)
I guide men through a proven pathway to expressive freedom I call RAISED:
R – Resonance (Connection)
Land your message, adapt in the moment, and create real impact.A – Awareness
Be fully present with both your inner world and outer world.I – Intention
Set your North Star — clarity of purpose behind every expression.S – Simplicity
Express yourself in an elegant, relatable, and human way.E – Execution Craft
Craft your delivery with skill — the right form, tone, and medium.D – Daring Authenticity
Show courage to be vulnerable and real, embodying integrated masculinity.
This isn’t theory—it’s a lived process that builds expressive muscle, confidence, and connection.
I will be releasing an ExQ Scorecard shortly, a diagnostic tool that assesses how well you have mastered each of these skills towards becoming a thriving Modern Man.
Implications to Coaching and Mentoring
With the new Modern Man persona in clear view, I now consider myself branded the Modern Man Coach.
I have adapted my coaching and mentoring offerings to reflect the needs of the men who will benefit from this Vision and Mission the most.
Get in touch if you would like to discuss my coaching or self-mastery group mentoring programme, I’d be happy to help!
Coaching Brochure: here
Self-Mastery Mentoring Programme Brochure: here
ALPS: Agile Life Planning System
If self-expression is the spark, our ALPS (Agile Life Planning System) is the structure that sustains it.
ALPS is our unique system for planning life like a series of meaningful projects. It transforms expressive breakthroughs into a clear roadmap for living—so men not only feel freer but also live with purpose, balance, and fulfilment.
It’s where leadership meets lifestyle. Or your unique Lifestyle expression, to stick with the lingo!
Reach out if you would like to discuss or want more information.
Who I Work With
I specialise in supporting high-achieving men—professionals, executives, and entrepreneurs earning £60k+—who struggle with any of the above.
They often:
Look successful on paper, but feel empty or unfulfilled inside
Are overwhelmed by stress or directionless in purpose
Bottle emotions, fearing judgement or rejection
Want to live authentically, with clarity, confidence, and connection
If this resonates—you are not alone. And there is another way forward.
I’m offering a new option to men than the dysfunctional ones today (Act Out, Burn Out, Check Out).
You can choose to Break Out of the cycle, to forge a new way forwards for yourself and men as a whole that works with the flow of the times. If you dare greatly as Brene Brown says…
Breaking Out means choosing Self-Expression and the Freedom, Expression and Creation that comes with it.
Your Next Step?
This isn’t about coping. It’s about creating a new vision of modern masculinity.
If you’re ready to step forwards into the world of self-expression mastery and thrive, sign-up to my newsletter to hear more.
Or Book a Consultation – let’s explore your personal pathway to self-expression
Final thoughts
Self-expression is the key to the thriving Modern Man.
This is the positive vision of masculinity the world needs: not men disappearing, but men reappearing—present, whole, and fully alive.
As James Hollis reminds us:
“We may become strangers to those who thought they knew us, but at least we are no longer strangers to ourselves.”